"FAMILY: A SOClAL UNIT where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. "

NEWSLETTER # 17

                          SEPTEMBER 2009

FEATURED LISTINGS

My sons are now 3 & 5 years old, but thinking back, I suspect that babies (somewhere between 7
and 10 months old) secretly get together and learn 10 simple rules on how to get to the top of the family structure.  I would imagine that it goes something like this:

Babies, do you feel like you have no control over your life? Do your mommy and daddy make you do and wear things you absolutely detest? Are you at the bottom of your family's power structure? I'm here to tell you that all this can be a thing of the past. By following my ten simple rules, you'll be wearing the diaper and the pants in the family in no time!

Rule #1 - You have absolute power
Repeat this to yourself on a daily basis. You are the ruler of your universe. Your parents are there to serve you, not the other way around. You have unlimited power over them.

Rule #2  - Cry
Tears are your biggest asset in your arsenal against your parents. If you don't like something, cry! Parents have absolutely no defence against this wet onslaught. They will do anything to get you to stop. This is especially useful in public places. For maximum effectiveness, increase volume every fifteen seconds.

Rule #3 - Be cute
This is your number one defence mechanism. You're going to pull a lot of stunts most people would never get away with, and your cute factor is the only thing allowing this. Flash a smile, and your parents will go weak in the knees with gushing admiration of your blessed existence, even after
you've just broken half the stuff in the house.

Rule #4 - Keep them weak
I don't care if you have to set an alarm clock for yourself, but you need to wake your parents up at least three times a night. A rested parent is a strong parent, and that means bad news for you. The more weary they are, the more malleable to your intricate plans of global rule.

Rule #5 - Wee on them
Once out of every ten diaper changes, you should let loose your golden stream of glory. This shows them who's boss, and keeps them on their toes. If you can, aim for the face for maximum effectiveness. At the very least, you should be able to cover yourself as well as a portion of your parent's clothes. This works well for those situations where they've put you in an embarrassing outfit, or they're in a hurry to get somewhere

Rule #6  - Make them carry you
Do not let them put you down! This is very important. The moment they realize you can get around
by yourself, they will no longer want to carry you. If you are put on the ground, see rule #2. Your parents are strong, and there's two of them. They can carry you forever.

Rule #7- Smack them around a little
Parents are under the false impression that we have very little control over our arms and legs. Use
this to your advantage! Every now and then, just randomly slap them in the face, and then smile.
They may curse a little, but no harm will come to you. They are powerless against the smile.

Rule #8 - Women and grandparents love babies
Capturing this key demographic can bring you joys beyond your wildest expectations. Toys, food,
and attention can all be yours when you manipulate this segment of the population.

Rule #9 - Siblings exist for your amusement
Your brothers and sisters are the court jesters in your vast kingdom. They are there for your personal entertainment, and nothing more. Smile at their crazy antics, but the moment they get out of line
with that "the baby gets all the attention" nonsense, pull their hair. One word of warning though.
Make sure a parent is nearby when you do this, as siblings are immune to your cute defence mechanisms. Be sure to cry, so your parent is alerted to your mortal danger.

Rule #10 - No time alone
This is perhaps the most important rule of them all. Do not let your parents have time alone! If you hear these evil words uttered, alarms should go off in your head. Nothing good can come from time alone. At the very least, it rejuvenates them, making them more resistant to your powers. And in the worst possible scenario, it could lead to a new baby replacing you as the ruler of the house! This
event needs to be stopped at all costs!

That's it, troops. Follow these simple rules and you should have a long and fruitful reign as ruler of your household. You have the power! 
 

KIDS CRAFTS AND RECIPES

If your kids are anything like mine, then you've got 100's of broken bits and pieces of crayon laying
in a box somewhere. Before you decide to through it out - you might want to try this...........

Ingredients:
Old crayons (bits and pieces)
Muffin pans
Muffin cup liners or "non-stick" spray

Directions:
Peel paper off crayons
Line/spray muffin pan
Put crayon pieces in muffin cups
Separate colors for single color chunks
Mix colors for rainbow ones
Bake at 200 degrees until melted
Cool (peel off muffin cup liners - if used

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC

Release Date: Friday, 2 October 2009 (Ster-Kinekor & Nu-Metro)
Suitable for Ages 10 and up (Adu!t supervision is advised)

The aliens vs. the Pearsons

It's the aliens who "came from upstairs" versus the Pearsons in an all-out battle that will decide the fate of the Earth and so commences the best summer vacation ever.

It all starts as a meteor shower rockets across the dark galaxy. Four glowing pods sparkle and crackle while hiding behind the meteor spectacle. A mysterious force makes the meteor shower
make a hard right toward a bright blue ball in the distance - Earth.

The battle begins and, the chuckles, action and danger escalate. The kids rise to the occasion, finding new strengths and self-sufficiency. 

GIVEAWAYS

Thank you to Desirae Johnston who sent us these very cute pics of her son Alexander. As you can see, Alexander really loves his feeding and nap time!

If you would like to show the world your "cutie" then email me your pics and your precious one
might feature in our next newsletter - debbie@parentportal.co.za

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